Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
