I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
