She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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