I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
