you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
