She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
