Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
