i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
