I didn't shave. On purpose
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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