So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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