she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
