I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
