we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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