it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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