Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
