Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
