is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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