don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
