wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
