Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
