My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize