Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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