I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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