He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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