hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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