This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
