Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
