i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
