God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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