I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How external is "for external use only"?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
