So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
