i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
