Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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