Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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