tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
love makes seman taste better
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
