Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize