Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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