when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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