Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
