How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
