Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
