Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
