I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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