Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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