She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
