Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
