I just threw up on my dentist
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
