Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
