Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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