Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
