I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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