Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
