Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize