that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everything about him screamed your future.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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