Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
