you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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