he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
