Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
