I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
there is glitter all over my balls
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