I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This baby is an asshole
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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