Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
