I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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