ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize