Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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