Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
