omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
