the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
