Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
