Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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