i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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