Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize