I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
nutella sex= disaster
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize