The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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