I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
