so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
