At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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