i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
