So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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