i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
