for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
