He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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