it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
