Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
