i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
