they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
