ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
