did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
