just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize