I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
