you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
