Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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