I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
