and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
